The Status of All Things: A Novel Page 20

  “Oh my God—I love this song!” she screeches as she clumsily grabs for our hands, yanking us through the bodies smashed together like sardines on the dance floor. Once there, I lose myself in the moment, forgetting to be worried about Jules’ marriage, about Liam’s relationship with a young starlet who’d been in rehab just months before, about my own future with Max. Instead I close my eyes, raise my hands above my head, and shake my hips to the beat. And for a moment, I wish we were back in college—things had seemed so much simpler then. Just the three of us against the world. When I open my eyes, I catch Liam watching me with an odd look on his face.

  “What?” I mouth to him.

  He nods in the direction of Jules, who has her hands on the chest of a man I had caught staring at her earlier. He has his hands on her hips, and every few seconds, one of them leans in to yell something in the other’s ear, but they never stop touching. When she finally glances over, I give her a questioning look, but she only throws her hands around his neck and grips him tighter. Concerned, I start to bob and weave my way over to her, but feel a strong hand on my shoulder. “Leave her be,” says Liam.

  “Are you sure?” I narrow my eyes. Jules has had a lot to drink.

  “Come on.” Liam tugs on my arm and leads me back to our table. “She’s fine. We can keep an eye on her from here,” he says as he mixes us each a vodka and Red Bull.

  “I really don’t need this—I’m already drunk,” I say, taking a deep sip anyway.

  “Reminds me of old times,” Liam says wistfully. “When did we get old?”

  I slap his shoulder. “We are not old! We’ve just grown up a bit. Or at least some of us have,” I say as I wink at him.

  “At least I’m still having fun.”

  “And I’m not?”

  “I don’t know. Are you?”

  “I just said I was having a great time!”

  Liam’s eyes cut through mine, the speckles of brown in them disappearing as he squints, making his normal hazel hue appear dark green. “I’m not talking about tonight.”

  We sit for a moment, me not sure I want to ask him what he means and him not sure he wants to tell me. Finally, I break eye contact and search the dance floor for Jules, spying her at a table across the room with the man she’d been dirty dancing with, sipping her drink, her knees touching his. “Are you sure we shouldn’t do something about that?” I set my drink down and nod in their direction. Something about the way he was looking at her didn’t feel right to me.

  “Yes,” Liam says definitively.

  “But don’t you see what’s going on over there?”

  “I see it.”

  “And?”

  “And what?” He shrugs.

  “You’re acting like they’re just over there chatting about the weather or trading recipes!” I start to stand up so I can intervene, but Liam pulls me back and I fall awkwardly into his lap. “Liam! Come on. Let me go!”

  I feel his arms tighten around me. “When will you learn that sometimes you need to let people live their lives the way they want? To let people make mistakes? To let yourself make them? If she decides to cross a line, that’s her decision to make—not yours.”

  “So I just need to sit here and let her possibly make a mistake that could cost her everything?” I turn toward Liam, his face just inches from mine. The stubble on his chin is so close that I almost reach out to touch it.

  “Don’t you get it? This isn’t about Jules and what she may or may not do with that guy over there. This is about you!”

  “Me?” I say. “How does this have anything to do with me?”

  “Because you are so damn scared.” He rakes his hand through his hair, his face contorting as he strains for his next words. “Jesus, don’t you get it? You are so petrified to make a mistake, to not seem . . .” He pauses to make air quotes. “Perfect . . . that you’re putting that pressure on others too—that if you turn your back for a second Jules might willingly jump off the throne you’ve placed her on. It’s too much, Kate. We’re all fallible.”

  “You think I care more about being perfect than being happy?” I challenge, my cheeks burning with anger and embarrassment. Liam had never talked to me this way before.

  “Think about it. You’ve wished your life exactly how you want it. You didn’t like what happened with Max, so you’re back here fixing it so you can have things your way. And you’re still not happy—so maybe there’s something to be said for life just working out as it should. Maybe we should just let Jules make whatever choices she needs to make—right or wrong.”

  Feeling as if the wind has been knocked out of me, I take a shallow breath, trying to decipher what Liam means. Is he saying I should have let Max leave me without trying to stop him? I stare at Jules, now flipping her hair over her shoulder and smiling the way she did back when she met Ben, and I try to remember the last time I have seen her flirt with her husband.

  Liam’s voice jars me out of my thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is people lie, people cheat, people leave people.” His eyes lock with mine. “And sometimes you just have to accept that you can’t edit life the way you do online. This isn’t Facebook. It’s the real world, for Christ’s sake. Sometimes you just have to let your arm look fat in the picture.”

  I swallow hard, letting his words sink in, remembering all the pictures I’d scrutinized, retaken, filtered. “Well, you certainly didn’t have a problem when I edited your life. When I made it possible for you to be with Nikki Day! Like she would have even looked at you twice in this real world we’re living in,” I shoot back, instantly wishing I could pull the words back after I see the hurt look on Liam’s face, his grip on my waist slacking slightly.

  I start to apologize when I hear a voice behind me. “Liam?”

  Liam stands so quickly that I fall off his lap to the floor, Nikki Day standing above me, her hands glued to her hips. “What exactly is going on here?”

  “Nothing,” Liam and I say in unison.

  “Didn’t look like nothing to me—you looked pretty cozy together.” Nikki pouts. “And here I thought I’d come out and surprise you guys. Looks like I’m the one getting the surprise. You were practically straddling my boyfriend!”

  I clamber to my feet. “Nikki, it wasn’t what it looked like,” I say, still reeling from Liam’s words and trying to figure out how Nikki could think crashing my bachelorette party would be a welcome surprise for me. But as I watch Liam’s eyes light up, I decide that as uneasy as she made me, my desire for his happiness outweighs that, despite what I had just blurted out a moment ago. “I was going to go cock block Jules,” I say, nodding across the room, where she’s now sitting in the guy’s lap. “But Liam physically stopped me—pulled me down so I couldn’t walk away,” I say, baiting Nikki to see what she’ll say about it. Maybe she’ll agree that I shouldn’t sit here and let my best friend make a mistake just because it’s apparently her fate to be unfaithful to Ben while she’s drunk. What were the rules there?

  A smile spreads across her face. “She’s the boring married one, right?”

  Ignoring Nikki, I shoot Liam a sharp look and he looks down. “Married, but never boring,” he says quickly.

  “Whatever,” she says. “Marriage is overrated. I’m with Liam on this one. Leave her alone,” she says, and she leans into Liam and kisses him, pushing him down on the couch hard as if I’m not even standing there. He pulls her in by her waist, his hand on the back of her sequined tank top, acting as if this isn’t my party that she’s inserted herself into. I pound the rest of my drink and slam the glass down. My deepest fear had come true—­Liam’s new girlfriend has finally infiltrated the inner sanctum of our friendship. I give them one last glance before striding away, Liam’s words from earlier still ringing in my ears. My mind might be blurry with alcohol, but they had still stung sharply.

  And another unsettling thought was also gnaw
ing at me. Last time, Jules hadn’t acted like this at my bachelorette party—causing me to think that even though she may have had the same problems with Ben last time, it was the makeover I’d wished for her that had set all this in motion.

  I shuffle across the bar and order a glass of water, keeping a close eye on Jules the entire time and glancing occasionally at the crowd that has now gathered around Nikki and Liam. Finally, I make my way to where Jules is sitting, her face dangerously close to that of the man she’s been flirting with, his hand now resting comfortably on her upper thigh, as he rubs it back and forth with the rhythm of the music. I cringe as I get up close—his eyes are glassy and squinting, his brow is covered with a sheen of perspiration, and there are sweat rings around the armpits of his T-shirt. Suddenly, I feel completely sober. “Hey,” I say casually, forcing myself not to rip his hand off her leg and yank her away from him and into my arms.

  “Hey!” she exclaims, and engulfs me in a tight hug, swaying so hard that we both almost topple over. “This is my best friend!” she slurs to the man she introduces as Kevin. “She’s getting married!”

  I give a nod to Kevin, who holds up his drink while never letting his eyes leave Jules. “Yep, I’m getting married!” I say through the smile I’ve plastered on my face. “Now I’ll be just like you, Jules. Married!”

  Snapping her head up, she gives me a look I can’t identify—a cross of anger, sadness, and something else. “Kate,” she says, my name sounding garbled as it comes out of her mouth.

  “Jules,” I respond. “I think it’s time to go.”

  She falls back onto the couch, Kevin’s hand instantly draping around her shoulder possessively. “I don’t want to go. Join us,” she says, her glassy eyes pleading with me. Hoping I’ll reserve judgment, that I’ll pretend she doesn’t have a husband and two children at home, that I’ll say this is okay. But I can’t. Even after what Liam said to me, I can’t stand by idly and watch her make this mistake. Maybe it’s because of the way Max left me for Courtney or because I’ve had to fight like hell to get him back. Or maybe it’s just the simple fact that I really love Ben and Jules together and could never imagine them apart. No matter what my reason, I know I can’t let her throw everything away on my watch—even if she thinks it’s not a life worth coveting anymore. It’s still a life she’s spent years building.

  “I’m sorry,” I say as I perch on the edge of the table in front of them. “Kevin, right?” He nods. “Here’s the thing: Jules is married. She has been for a long time. And as nice as you seem, I can’t let her do this.”

  Kevin smiles. “I don’t think that’s your choice to make,” he says, and tightens his grip, and I remember Liam’s words from earlier.

  “I couldn’t disagree more,” I say as I look at Jules watching our exchange with a faraway look in her eyes—she was even more wasted than I thought. “Listen, asshole,” I say evenly. “I’ve just told you my friend is married. It’s time for you to get lost. Because, honestly, the only reason she’s even sitting here right now flirting with you is because of the half dozen drinks she’s had tonight.” I pause, daring him to challenge me, hoping I’m right. Praying that she wouldn’t be acting this way if she were sober. But Kevin only winks at me. “I’m not leaving here without her,” I demand, putting my hand on Jules’.

  “Well, why don’t you stay then?” he says, letting his eyes drop to my chest. “I’ve always wanted to have a threesome.” He grabs my arm, digging his hand in as I attempt to pull away, the loud music pulsating in my brain as I try to wriggle from his grasp, his other arm still enveloping Jules’ waist.

  Kevin’s grip loosens only when he’s lifted off the couch a moment later, Liam’s fist connecting with his nose swiftly, hurling him into a ball on the floor as he holds his face, screaming.

  “Let’s go,” Liam orders, scooping Jules off the couch and leading us toward the exit as security quickly moves in. “Don’t look back,” he warns when I start to turn my head, Liam grabbing my hand as he holds Jules up like a puppet, placing her gently in the backseat of a waiting taxi as soon as we step out of the casino doors, the cab line miraculously empty. We crawl in behind her and sit in silence as the driver navigates the traffic, still heavy at 1 a.m., the honking and buzz from the streets drowning out the booming from the music in the club still pulsating in my ears. Jules passes out almost immediately, her breath heavy.

  I finally break the silence. “Where’s Nikki?”

  He looks out the window, the Eiffel Tower in front of the Paris casino lighting up the otherwise black desert sky. “She said she’d be waiting for me in her suite.”

  I glance at Liam’s profile in the darkness of the cab. “I’m sure it makes ours look like a studio apartment.” I laugh, hoping to break through the tension still lingering between us.

  “There was mention of a basketball court and a lap pool.”

  “Because that’s normal,” I snicker, then sigh when Liam doesn’t join me.

  But then, a few seconds later, his chest starts to heave as he releases a hearty laugh, tears spilling from his eyes, and suddenly we’re both howling so hard I wonder if we’ll wake Jules. “How the hell did we get here?” he manages to say in between our roars.

  Our laughter subsides as I stare up at the lights of the Aria as we pull into the circular driveway. “I was just thinking the same thing.” I watch him rub his right hand. “Nice right hook, by the way. I thought you were a lover, not a fighter.”

  “Sometimes you have to be a little of both,” he says as he throws the driver a twenty and delicately prods Jules awake. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you to the room.”

  We lift Jules out of the cab, each of us holding on to an arm tightly as we make our way to the elevator. “Where’s Kevin?” she slurs.

  “Last time I saw him, he was in a pile on the floor,” I say, smiling sideways at Liam as we step inside. “He was a jerk. Besides, you have Ben, remember? The love of your life?”

  “Whatever,” Jules says after a few minutes of silence, the only sound the soles of Liam’s shoes scuffling against the carpet as we trudge down the hall. “He doesn’t look at me that way anymore.”

  “What way?” Liam asks as he slides the key card into the door, then watches Jules closely as she makes her way to the bed and falls into it.

  “The way Kevin did. Like he wants to devour me,” she says as she sprawls out. “The room is spinning.”

  I walk over to the bed and prop her up on the pillows. “Try to keep sitting up,” I say as Liam hands me a Sprite from the minibar that I hold to her mouth. “Take a sip.”

  Liam sits on the edge of the bed. “Kevin looked at you like an object. He didn’t give a shit that you were almost incoherent—he just wanted to fuck you.”

  “Exactly,” she says. “At least someone wants to.”

  I think about how much Ben travels and wonder again if he is having an affair, if it is more than him just being exhausted. “Jules, did something happen? Did Ben—”

  “You’re not getting any other info out of her tonight, Detective,” Liam interrupts, and wraps a blanket around Jules, her eyes sealed shut, her mouth hanging open.

  “You still think we should have let her make the mistake?” I challenge as I follow him out of the room to the couch, my heart shattering a little over Jules’ admission. If she and Ben couldn’t make it, a part of me doubted if anyone could.

  “Of course I don’t!” Liam says, a flare of anger in his voice. “Not after that guy got rough with you.” He shakes his head, as if remembering it all over again. “But I still believe what I said to you—this is Jules’ life to live. We can’t judge it. We can’t control it. We have to let her make her own choices. Just maybe not when she’s hammered!” He rolls his eyes and throws his feet on the table, stretching his arms out, the key to Nikki’s suite resting on the table next to his cell phone. There was a part of me that didn’t
want him to leave—even after everything that has been said tonight, his presence was still warm and comforting, much like the soft blanket he had wrapped around Jules a few minutes earlier.

  “Well, her life or not, it still makes me think. If she and Ben are in this much of a tailspin, then what does that mean for the rest of us?”

  He pulls me in close against his chest and runs his hand through my hair. “When will you learn?”

  “Learn what?” I whisper as I close my eyes, the pressure of his hand on my head making my eyelids heavy, all the alcohol and drama finally catching up to me.

  “That nobody’s perfect,” he says softly, right before I drift off to sleep.

  • • •

  Memories from the night before come flooding back like high tide at sunset when I pull open my eyes, surprised to find myself next to Jules, who is facedown beside me in the king bed. I roll over, noticing my shoes sitting neatly on the floor. The last thing I remember is falling asleep on Liam’s chest—had he carried me in here? I lean forward to see out the door of the bedroom, hoping to glimpse his long legs dangling off the couch, but it’s empty. I feel a pang—he’d gone to spend the night with Nikki after all.

  It still shocked me that he’d hit that guy last night—he’d always been the one to break up fights, not start them. What had gotten into him? The speed with which he was transforming made me uneasy. First it was cars and clothes. Now he was ­sucker-punching someone at a club. What would be next?

  The room moves slightly as I stand and steady myself before moving forward, desperate to locate my overnight bag and the bottle of Advil tucked inside, my head almost exploding when I bend down to look for it. Finally, I grip the container in my hand and shake two pills out of it, gulping them down with a bottle of water Liam must have set next to the bed before he left. I palm the extra capsules I grabbed for Jules and lie back in bed, waiting for her to wake from the dead, worried that she’s going to feel much worse than me, and not just because of the alcohol.

  Instinctively I reach over and grab my cell phone, quickly sending Max a text to ask how his bachelor party went the night before, attaching a photo that we had taken at dinner, our heads tilted together as we raised our glasses in the air. I stare at Jules’ face in the picture, the anticipation she was feeling now obvious. Last night, I had thought it had been because we were all together, but now I realize there may have been more to it. I had always viewed her as someone others were drawn to—she never had a shortage of women scrambling for her friendship at her kids’ school, of clients wanting her to create a beautiful cake. She had even charmed the parking attendant at the Starbucks we frequented off La Cienega—him letting her park for free and saving her the best space in the lot. But clearly she was craving something more. Something she didn’t feel like she was getting from Ben.